The past few weeks have been a reminder that my disability is not the only difficult part of life that my wife has to overcome. Preparing to take one of the kids back to school made it clear that our life has normal aspects, like sending one off to college.
Most husbands can understand the pride that comes from watching a kid work their tail off to accomplish their goals in life. Like I told LeeAnn last week, I love watching watching her kids grow up, but I hate seeing them as all grown up.
Many husbands can attest to the difficulty that a nurturing mother goes through when it comes to letting go. Some of us are even able to recognize the feeling of lost identity that our wives feel when they begin to realize their babies are truly becoming independent men and women. There is one thing we all have in common, though: None of us knows what to do or say to make it any easier.
I imagine that the helpless feeling of not knowing what to do or say is similar to how she must feel on those days when my disability seems to take over, the days when nothing seems to go right and I feel like my identity is being altered without my permission. For example, there is nothing she can do or say that makes a leaky catheter better. We just have to clean up and move on.
There is a strange sense of irony about the experience of taking my step son back to school and comforting LeeAnn for a few days. I feel like I actually get to contribute back to them instead of always being the one that needs something.
My only advice to other husbands is to listen at least twice as much as you speak. Trust that you have done as much as you could to provide a moral compass. Leave the rest to God and have faith that he will guide them exactly where he wants them to be.