Going Home: The Start of Life in a Wheelchair

What does “going home” mean to you? To a lot of 20 year old college kids it probably means going to their parents’ house, or maybe their grandparents’ house. I think all would agree that “home” is the place where we go to feel safe and be close to the people that matter most to us. To me, going home after my spinal cord injury was the first step towards establishing a new way of life. It was the start of life in a wheelchair.

I was literally starting life over. Just like a newborn baby, my parents had to prepare a room for me. Similar to baby-proofing the house, they were doing everything possible to make their house wheelchair ready. For the next several months it would be like rewinding the clock 20 years for my parents. They had to get up at all hours of the night to turn me. They had to bathe me, get me dressed, prepare all of my meals, and even help me with toileting. Then they had to go to work and tend to the needs of my younger siblings. About the only real differences were that I was 20 times larger than a newborn and I could speak. Depending on who you ask, I’m sure there were days when neither of those traits were positive. I know that there were numerous times when I said some really hurtful things that could never be taken back.

As for me, I wanted to live a normal life. That meant finish school, get a high paying job, have my own home, become financially independent, and start a family. Statistically speaking, accomplishing any one of those in my situation would be a challenge. Accomplishing all of them would be nothing short of a miracle.

I had no idea the extent of the challenges that I would face. I didn’t know how other people would view me or treat me. I knew that I would need help, but I never wanted to be coddled. I certainly didn’t want to be a burden to my family and I was afraid of failing them. Perhaps the scariest thing of all was knowing that the odds were now stacked against me in more ways than I could count.

I had to go back to school first and I had to go as soon as possible. In my heart, I knew that taking too much time off would risk me becoming complacent and never returning. I feared growing distant from my friends and getting comfortable with my family waiting on me hand and foot. I couldn’t allow the comforts of home to stop me from achieving my goals. I had to go.

At that time, there were no other students with my level of paralysis at Ohio University and for good reason. Accommodations were severely limited and the terrain in Athens, Ohio was (and still is) less than ideal for anyone in a wheelchair to even visit, let alone live there as an active member of the community. Most people were strongly encouraging me to transfer to a school and community that would be able to better accommodate people like me. But, my friends were in Athens, so I was not interested in transferring. One thing was for certain, though, I couldn’t stay home long enough to get used to everyone doing everything for me. I had to get out on my own as soon as possible.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Undeterred by all of the unknowns that surrounded getting back to school and finding people to help with my personal care, I just kept moving forward. I called dozens of places trying to find home health agencies that would take my case. Most agencies did not want to assume the risk since my family would be 100 miles away, but persistence prevailed and I found one that would take me. It was time to make the next step…I was going back to school six months post injury.

I must acknowledge that I had two essential things going for me. First was an amazing support network that began at home with with my parents who believed in me and supported me physically and emotionally. My brothers and my sister were always willing to help with just about anything I needed. My grandparents on both sides of the family were very gracious with their time and other resources, especially when it came to transporting me to countless doctor and therapy appointments. I also had a lot of extended family and friends that encouraged me, prayed for me, and helped raise money. Money that would eventually be used for accessibility aides, portable wheelchair ramps, and a wheelchair accessible van.

The second thing I had going for me was my faith. Even though I wasn’t walking closely with the Lord at this time in my life, I was raised in a Christian home. Growing up, we rarely missed a Sunday service and my parents were leaders in various youth ministries. I was baptized when I six years old as a personal decision. The point is that I knew God and I had accepted Jesus as my personal savior, and there was more scripture written on my heart than I realized.

This was just the start of my new life. That support network and growing faith would be the foundation required to guide me through some extremely difficult times to come. I thank God I had no idea how hard it was going to be to:

• Live independently while being completely dependent for nearly every activity of daily living
• Finish my degree on a campus unfit for wheelchairs
• Watch my parents go through a divorce
• See my father get sent to prison
• Start and build a career
• Go through the insanity of getting a Masters degree while working full time
• Own a home and live the life of a bachelor
• Figure out how to get off welfare and become financially independent
• Go through the process of dating, breakups, and eventually get married to my amazing wife
• And so much more!!!

These difficult parts of my life have taught me what being steadfast in trial is all about! We all go through hard times. I know that I’m not alone and you have stories too. If you have the desire to share something that you’re going through or something that was difficult for you to overcome, please leave a message in the comments below or click here to contact us directly. Don’t forget to tell us what gave you the strength to keep moving forward in the midst of your trials.